Friday, December 16, 2011

Cancer Sucks!

Be warned that this post is very personal and may be too graphic for some and may not want to be read by all..

We all know someone with cancer, unfortunately.  It has become all too common.  We all know a stories of heartbreak and stories of victory and triumph, but more often than not they end in heartache and sadness.  Recently, my sweet cousin opened up to us about her amazing husbands battle with cancer - I was crying like a giant baby.  Nothing bad should ever happen to someone so good.  My incredible mom was married only a short time before she lost her husband to cancer. {luckily she then met my dad and made this beautiful baby ;) }.  I had a friend in high school that lost her mom to cancer, and another friend in high school that lost her own battle with cancer.  It all just...sucks.  I've had my own bout with cancer... it's weird to even say because it doesn't seem real.  But, I have cervical cancer.  It just doesn't seem like I should be saying those words, because I feel like my situation is so minor compared to many.  It's like I have have a snowflake, while others have a winter wonderland.  I am grateful to only have a snowflake, but I feel weird even bringing it up when there are so many others that are more deserving of the love and support needed.  It really is nothing too scary, as we caught it early and have been trying to "fix" me ever since but... here is my story:   
It isn't something I talk about often because.. there is nothing we can change and because I really don't want people feeling bad for me or treating me differently - it is what it is and there are others we should be worrying about and caring for... 
In 2009, I went to the doctor to get a pap done before I got married.  Thought nothing of it.. I got a call saying that it came back abnormal so they wanted to do a biopsy.  I went in the next week and had a biopsy done {it does not feel good}.  I left and waited.. a call came and the abnormal cells were covering 3/4 of my cervix - he wanted to do a cryotherapy {freezing of the cervix to destroy the cells}.  So, I made another appointment.  By this point Adam and I had been married about 3 months.  He went with me to this appointment.  They put a hose up "there" and started freezing.. it felt like one giant cramp.  The next 1-2 weeks were nasty.. the ice melts and water and cells drain out... The doctor was confident that would solve the problem.  I waited 3 months and went back in for another pap to test the cells.  It came back low-grade abnormal.  We did another biopsy.  The abnormal cells were still there/back and he wasn't sure why.  He said he wanted to wait another 3 months and test again.  We did.  The cells had spread and deepend, we were now at a mid-grade.  He wanted to wait again and see what they did next.  I didn't.  We called a specialist for a second opinion.  I went and did a pap with her, then a biopsy.  She didn't like it.  We did another cryotherapy. {yay}.  Then a repeat pap, and another biopsy.  Still no good, we were now at a high-grade.   We had no other option but to do a leep {wire loop with electric current that burns off a layer of your cervix}.  We tried to avoid it, because it thins out your cervix and makes carrying a baby risky.  We were both pretty discouraged when we realized this was our only option.. She said 98% of girls that have cervical dysplasia don't ever know it, because it clears up on it's own.  And those that do, generally it clears up after all we've done.  I got "that" call.. telling me I had Cervical Cancer.  Not what I wanted to hear, but luckily they are calling it Low to Mid Grade.. seems promising right? :).  By now, I was certain the doctor had seen more of my lady business than Adam had, because after each biopsy or procedure we had to wait atleast 2-3 weeks before anything could go near "it".  Needless to say, we did the leep {they numbed me real good, but the smell of my burning cervix was more than I could handle}. I went back for a repeat pap 3 months later, my mom and Deneal went.. and Deneal somehow made it over to the table and dumped my..."stuff".. everywhere. {awesome}.  Had to go back again and we still had some low-grade abnormal cells..better but not gone.   I told her I was having some pain and couldn't figure out why..she asked me some questions, I answered and she said I needed to strengthen my muscles, after everything we have done it could have weakened me... she said..and I quote.. "You need to visit a vaginal physical therapist."... Excuse me, a what?!  Hmm...I think I'll put up with the pain, thanks.  {awkward}. I go back in January and we'll see what happens next!

8 comments:

  1. Wow Court that is a lot to swallow! You are being so strong about it. (HUGS)

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  2. Love you! Remember what I told you. And I will still do it for you.

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  3. i think you are brave, woman! loving your blog :)

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  4. I love you Courtney! You are the greatest person ever! You truly are an inspiration. Thank you for your great attitude, high spirits and selfless persona. I miss you so much! *hugs*

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  5. Court, thank you for sharing your story and what you're going through. All types of cancer are a struggle, no need to downplay what you're going through. It is scary and it hurts, and I am sorry that you are dealing with it. Through every struggle comes growth and strength and you're going to be able to help others going through what you are. I know you know all this :) You're in my prayers lady!

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  6. love your blog. You are so couragous! Thanks for sharing your story. I will keep you in my prayers.

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  7. What the what?! I had no idea you were going through all of this. Thanks for sharing and for being so awesome. :) You're an amazing woman and I'm lucky to have you in my life. I love you babe!!

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  8. I am impressed with your beauty, honesty and courage. Life throws us curve balls and our greatest tests are how we deal with them. You are an amazing young woman. Love to you Courtney.

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